My mama has always done this.
Since we were little bitty things, she has given us treats to celebrate special days. This week is no different. I am a grown woman, with a family of my own. And a box full of Valentine surprises arrived on my doorstep this week.
Now, we don’t do simple or understated in my family. Sometimes, I have wished we could. I have envied those straight-laced, buttoned-up families from time to time. But, since subtlety is NOT our spiritual gift, I have come to accept that all gifts from Mimi will be chock full of more extras and fancies and sparkles than any child needs. (Need is not really the point when it comes to celebrating, my mom will tell you)
We are just EXTRA. It’s a whole thing.
As I looked through the box, I was in awe of what I saw. Not the array of stickers and markers and stuff. I was in awe of the attention she paid to each person in our family. Little things that were selected or hand-made for each person, my husband included. I mentioned ONE time that I saw an ad for a Valentine mailbox, and wondered aloud if Mom could make something like that for the kids. She did. Just like that.
For the child who loves art, there were new markers. For the Mama who sometimes needs little ones to have a quiet thing to do, there were mess-free coloring books. For each of us, there was something to make us smile.
She has always loved us well in this way.
My siblings and I could not be more different in personality. We always had different interests and talents. I know it could not have been easy to navigate raising three children with different interests. She had one kid who adored books, one who turned every book into an elaborate musical, and another kid who would rather do almost anything than read. Our mom was not perfect. She, like everybody else, had her struggles.
But the standout memory that I find myself taking into my own parenting is this: Mom paid attention to who we were as a person. She got to know more about what we found interesting and what we got excited about. She asked us.
She read each one of us like an unfolding story.
I remember a few years ago asking her about how she knew all about what basketball players my brother followed, and how she knew the names of 90’s rappers. She said, “How else would I get to know your brother? I had to make a point to learn what mattered to him.” She didn’t understand it all. She didn’t become a fan. She wanted to know us, and this was the best way to do that.
As adults, this has become all the more fascinating to experience. She still wants to know us. She still listens when we mention a podcast we love or a new thing we are trying.
I’m realizing, this is the way I want to love my children. They constantly surprise and amaze me, anyway. May as well acknowledge and seek the moments that help me know them better. Like so many parents, I struggle with wanting things to just be the way I want them. Wouldn’t it be cool to just tell our kids what to like and not like, and have that be the end of it? I’ll be honest – it might be easier. But I know we are called to do more than that.
I’m loving Bless This Mess right now, a book by Molly Baskette and Ellen O’Donnell. They offer a pretty good reminder:
“Both science and spirituality teach us that our primary job as parents is to get to know and love the children we have been given. Our children come into the world both already made and still becoming.”
Already made. Still becoming. What a gift . . . to be given the opportunity to know who our children are made to be and to walk alongside them and learn who they are becoming.
Here’s to learning and loving the people in our lives . . . exactly as they are made and becoming.
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There are a million ways to know and love our people well. Want to share some of your tried and true things to help you learn more about your family members? Leave a comment and tell me more!
And something else — I’m sharing a few of my favorites – 10 Starters For Getting To Know Your People with my email friends. Sign up today, and join the conversation.
Go right ahead and subscribe. Coming to your inbox soon, from me to you – truths I’ve learned in this #fostertoadopt journey, a few events I am really looking forward to, some resources and the 10 Starters.
